6/21/25
They should make a kind of going to the store that does't suck so fucking bad
6/15/25
I wonder sometimes if I will ever get better. I think eventually I will get better but it's hard. I hope at least that I become like... better at talking to people. Especially about things I like
6/14/25
Got back from a trip to see my boyfriend. I love him a lot. I'm still not used to having someone close to me so willing to engage in one of my interests. Especially for something they otherwise probably wouldn't be interested in. We watched 7 episodes of Part 4 of Jojo's together and it was nice. It made me happy that he was willing to watch it with me. Probably an insane first anime to make someone watch though. But it was nice
6/8/25
Living in constant fear of being percieved as annoying when you're a kid and early teen just kinda like. fucks you up forever i think. I'm still out here with friends I've had for like a year or longer, who KNOW about the kinda crazy nonsense hyperfixation shit my brain will do to me. being like oh god i hope me sending them the first chapter of my fanfiction ive been writing for funsies isnt like a death sentence and i didnt get every character wrong and am annoying them and this will be what leads to them killing me and putting me in a bog forever. like . that just is not how people work. and yet I'm like always so convinced that people will find me annoying. I'm trying to get better about it, but man knowing the rep jojo's fans have for being annoying is NOT helping me out here
6/7/25
It's hard to work on anything that isn't explicitly Jojo's related right now... tempted to throw a JJBA shrine on here but absolutely can't bring myself to do that. If I start feeling really fucking crazy and snap though I might do something. Anyway. Um. Being hyperfixated on something now is weird, I haven't had a strong hyperfixation like this in a year. I'm back to drawing almost daily and that feeling is strange. I haven't drawn daily in over two years and suddenly it's all I can do to draw the stuff I need to for my printmaking class. Maybe I'm becoming mentally well again (I'm not)
6/4/25
I HAD TO SPEND 44 DOLLARS ON A TANK OF GAS!!! FOURTY FUCKING FOUR DOLLARS!!!!!! THATS CRAZY!!!!! IM GOING TO DO SOMETHING DRASTIC!!!!!!!!
6/3/25
I cleaned my room today which felt very nice. It was getting kinda dusty so it was nice to dust everything off. I also started taking all the posters down from my walls getting ready to move and it's... really weird. I don't like how empty my room looks. Oh well. At the next place I live at I should get some Jojo's posters, I think.
6/1/25
I changed my 3ds theme from the Vampire Hunter D one I had since 2023 to a Diamond is Unbreakable one I found today. It's so fucking over for me dude
5/31/25
I am maybe 30ish chapters from finishing jojos part 6. oh my god. oh my fucking god. weather reports backstory. oh my fucking godddd i feel so so bad for him. i dont even get to finish the manga today because I'm spending the day with a couple friends and then going to a goth night and like. like. like if i finish the manga i know im going to be a wreck like there isnt a universe where im not deeply deeply upset by the end of it. so i have to wait until sunday. to read. it. and finish the manga. and when i do im going to be a DISASTER. jolyne youre so cool awesome though. blowing up anasui with my mind
5/29/25
I only have two more years left of college adn this stresses me out a more than reasonable amount. One of the worst feelings in the world is the feeling that I don't have my shit figured out, and I well and truly Do Not Have My Shit Figured Out. I know I'm only 20, but it such a highly competative art field like photography, that's like. When you need to really figure shit out. It's frustrating to know that I don't really have an eye for anything other than gallery work, not really, and that I'll probably end up with some stupid ass desk job while what I really love wastes away. It stresses me out. I hope one day I can get a masters in something I guess. It's unfortunate that I think my professor is going to tell me I should become a studio and portrait photographer because I am not really a fan of doing them. Oh well.
5/28/25
I haven't really been able to focus on my website unfortunately. I've been trying to get stuff done, but it's been really hard to focus on much of ANYTHING that isn't jojo's. I feel really bad about it too because it feels like an annoyance to the people around me, even if I know I can't really. Help it. I don't really interact with fan spaces anymore, but I know enough about jojo's fan spaces to know its a wretched place. I also just have been talking non-stop about it and I'm sure to many people it is annoying. I'm also like... a little embarrassed about it when it comes to the people I know irl at my college. Mostly just because I know one of them HAS read jojo's and if im like too insane about it in front of him ill have to kill myself. even though hes like. cool. we talk about machine girl and albert camus and stuff and hes read jojos. its just like the horror of knowing that i like media in a weird freak neurodivergent way and not in a normal person way. I am doing my best. It's . I dont know why im embarrassed at the idea though, to be honest. Ive worn my one piece hoodie to school and my keys have like 5 or 6 charms on them . idk. i think its because jojos just has a notoriously annoying fanbase even though i dont. interact with fandoms anymmore. who knowsssss. i suffer endlessly also yes i know i stoped capitalizing things i gave up and am lazy.
5/25/25
Ugh, I like... majorly fucked up my sleep schedule I think. It's 3 pm but it feels like its maybe 11 am and I still need to shower and like. idk. be a person. Eat lunch maybe. What I get for staying up till 3 am reading and waking up at like 10:30 I guess? Whatever lol
5/23/25
I've been brushing my teeth pretty consistantly twice a day for a little under a month now. It feels weird to be proud of something that I was supposed to be doing since childhood but like. Idk. mental illness moment i guess. Whatever, I'm still very proud of myself for keeping up with it consistently since I hate doing it most of the time
5/22/25
Drew for the first time in months everyone please say thank you Kakyoin everyone give it up for Kakyoin. Truly jojos is doing something really funny to me. hyperfixation moment i guess thank you adhd.
5/20/25
Back in the state I go to school in... unfortunately it's very pretty. I think that the drive away from home is starting to get easier, and I think I hate it. I miss my family so so bad but I don't have tears to cry about it. Whatever. Jojo's part 6 soon
5/18/25
I drive back to the place I go to college... 20 hour drive over 2 days. I don't dread it as much as I usually do, but I'd also rather... not go. I have nice friends there, and the place itself is pretty enjoyable. I just. I just don't like. It. It doesn't have my friends or my family or my favorite restaurants or the used bookstore my friends and I go to to see if we can find new evil manga to read. It doesn't have the fabric store I go to with my mom or the Poke place I go to with my sister or anything else.
New memories are great and all I guess, but they aren't... the same. I don't think I'll ever be as close with most of my college friends, and I won't be staying there forever either. I'm only here for a little while, and maybe that hurts more. Knowing that I won't be able to be as close to these new friends because I'd rather die than permanently live in the state I went to college in.
I hope they won't resent me for it
5/16/25
I think it's like... really unfortunate how most off the people who like anime in my college are really annoying. Because unfortunately I like anime and am always a little scared that my friends find me cringe and annoying. but lowkey even if they do my friends back home are closer and mean more to me and are also stupid nerds so whatever.
POST CANCELLED NEW RED VOX SONG
5/13/25
I keep doing this Chiikawa bit that Kurimanju drinks and then loudly goes AHHHHHH its so funny to me. It's so annoying to everyone but it's so fun for me. Anyway, what I have learned from having vertical labret piercings (2 of them... woah!) is that the worst part is when im drinking from a glass and the metal hits the glass weird andd it goes SCREECH. because its glass vs metal. theres my fun drink update for the next while
5/12/25
I'm so cooked I read like 90 chapters of Jojo's part 5 in 2 days. Unfortunately this manga serious is doing some wild shit to my brain.
5/9/25
Got told by one of my college friends that I am "giving dark academia" and I think I need to live in a bog forever. I'm not giving dark academia I just like reading and wear glasses and baggy sweaters. Cries. My bad for living in a city with a coffee shop and a nice public library and decent thrift stores I Guess???? Whatever man, me and my jkirt (jean skirt) and my oversized sweater against the world. I don't really get the aesthetics thing anyway like it isn't a subculture it's just a style of dressing. Anyone could do that. My mom could be dark academia. The aesthetic movement like... wants to be subculture but it misses some of the core things required of a subculure I feel like. IDK.
5/8/25
I go to a local art supply shop in my home state. I get 9 billion new pens I will use for a week and forget exists. Life is good. It's really funny how anti-consumer I am, and I stay true to that, but every time I go home without fail we go into the city and I proceed to buy like 10 new pens I don't really need.
5/7/25
I went to Ikea and got a small Blahaj (small one was 10 dollars) and a new plant. And then we went to a green house and I got a new plant. And then the other day I got a new plant. So anyway I have 3 new house plants. YAYYYYYY. I need to come up with names for them.
5/6/25
Pinterest is basically the only "social media" I use anymore (if you can even call it that) aside from YouTube, and honestly the way it reacts to what I save is so funny. Currently it thinks I am a doomsday prepper tradwife cottagecore thing (I just like sewing and DIY projects and gardening... so like ok I guess). I just want to look at room decor but okay.
5/4/25
Being back home and it being summer break is great for me because I... want to engage in my hobbies again. I have the drive to work on my website, do upkeep on my house plants, work on my garden, sew, embroider... you get my point. I think it has less to do with school (which is ostensibly just. my hobby that consumed my life to the point of it Needing to be my career), and more to do with the house I live in. It all comes back to the House... Regardless, soon enough I will be moving to a new place so that is exciting. Anyway my mom is giving me Coca-Cola glasses so life is good
5/3/25
I think one thing that people outside of the Americas (and specifically outside of the US/Mexico/Canada) never really understand is how breathtakingly beautiful this place can be. I wish that the horrible American suburban sprawl didn't exist because driving from where I go to school back home (20 hour drive over 2 days) really reminded me that this place is so wonderful and beautiful if you let it be. I saw vibrant green trees and an osprey and the mountains are truly a breathtaking sight even from a distance. It really saddens me how much of the beautiful landscape of the southwest and the desert plains area of the United States has been absolutely demolished by drought caused by suburban sprawls and climate change. Fucked.
4/30/25
My local library lets you check out 100 books at a time. NOT including dvds or cds or any other kind of media. That's JUST BOOKS. Why do I know this? Well, my library back home only let you have 30 checked out at a time. And I.... may have put a bunch of books on hold (expecting that I would have to wait a few weeks to get any of them). Anyway. I now have 15 books to read and another 4 to pick up. Um. Please Help. I have to read all these books in the span of like 6 to 8 weeks. Help.